We’ve been well trained by our culture that when someone apologizes and says the words, “I’m sorry,” we’re supposed to respond with, “It’s okay, I forgive you.” I’ve had students over the years that struggle with this because, especially if you’ve been wronged or severely hurt, it’s hard to choose forgiveness when you really want justice or possibly even revenge. Many times these conversations happen with arms crossed and eyes rolling and we go through the motions without processing what’s happening in our hearts and the bondage that bitterness keeps us in. I would argue, though, that when we acknowledge the pain in our heart and ask God to help us it’s possible to choose forgiveness in the midst of hurting and regardless of whether or not justice is served.
I read the book of Philemon for the first time when I was walking through a tough season of forgiveness and letting go of past hurts. Who knew a letter written so long ago would have such great advice to set me free from bitterness that just didn’t seem to leave my heart! 
Long story short Paul wrote a letter to a man he was mentoring named Philemon. He was a wealthy man who lived in Colossae and had a church in his home. A man named Onesimus ran away from him and there was a dispute of some kind. Paul urged Philemon to forgive Onesimus not as a demand, but out of love. (Philemon 1:8-9) We know that Onesimus was forgiven because he is the one who delivered the letter to the Colossians (Colossians 4:7-9) and that was written after the letter to Philemon. He had been set free out of forgiveness and, therefore, given the opportunity to be used by God and live out the calling he was meant to have. (By spreading the gospel and doing kingdom work!)
I’m sure Philemon had to process a lot of hurt and offense. It’s just something that comes with the territory of being a human. Here is some great advice Paul gave him in this short letter.
See ALL people through God’s eyes. “No longer a slave but more than a slave, a beloved brother-especially to me but how much more to you, both in flesh and in the Lord.” (Philemon 1:16) We are all brothers and sisters in Christ who all fall short. It’s a choice to view people as God’s beloved and not as their sin or offense. I just have to be transparent here that I have to ask for the Holy Spirit’s help with this constantly by saying something like, “God, fill me with the love for this person that you have. Let me see them through your loving eyes and help me to release thoughts and judgements that are not from you.”
Our responses affect the kingdom. “They will know we are Christians by our love” not by our bitterness, our judgment, or our stone cold walls we put up, but by extending the love of Christ to all people. It’s crazy how one act of kindness can spur a movement of love and positive interactions with others. I want to do everything I can to help people encounter Jesus and spread the gospel. When I read Philemon I wondered if Paul was thinking about Barnabas. See, Barnabas had forgiven Paul for persecuting Christians as he witnessed to him on the road to Damascus. If Barnabas hadn’t chosen forgiveness and show Paul (Saul) the love of Jesus, where would we be at today? It’s almost like Paul was paying it forward; he had been forgiven and became a radical believer of Jesus, so he wanted to help someone else experience that freedom and do kingdom work too!
It’s a commandment we need to follow. In Matthew 18:21-22 Jesus says we’re to forgive people 77x7 times. Meaning; every time we choose forgiveness. Paul echoed this in Philemon 1:14 by telling Philemon he could demand him to do it but he was giving him a chance to voluntarily offer forgiveness the way Christ asks us to. Why would Jesus ask us to do this? I’ve heard this saying before; when you hold onto bitterness it’s like drinking poison hoping the other person gets sick. Bitterness is not from God, so when we forgive someone we get to hand the yuck over to Jesus and invite Him into heal our wounds and to make us whole through His love. Especially for someone who has endured trauma and hurt, this is hard to do sometimes. Forgiveness doesn’t mean we have to necessarily let people back into our lives, rather it means to let go of the pain and choose to walk in wholeness and healing. This is a process than can take days, weeks, months, years sometimes but I promise, if you allow Him to, Jesus will walk with you through this entire journey. (Luke 6:27 & Romans 12:14)
Take a moment to reflect on these questions:
- Has the Holy Spirit brought anyone to mind as I read this?
- Have you said, “I forgive you” to someone yet you still have hurts from what happened? Ask the Holy Spirit for help to release these hurts.
- Do you need to forgive yourself for something?
We want to partner with you in prayer today to walk in forgiveness and love. Remember, this is a process sometimes and we have many pastors here who are willing to walk alongside you on this journey. I want to pray for us and encourage you to respond to this blog if you need help with forgiveness.
Jesus, thank you for speaking to our hearts today. Forgiveness is hard sometimes but we want to choose your love and walk in freedom. We don’t want to partner with bitterness or any other hurts that hold us back from being close to you. We release our hurts and hang ups to you today. Help us to choose forgiveness and release any offense in our hearts. Fill us with your love and joy and show us next steps in the healing process. May we become more like you. In Jesus’ mighty name! Amen
